What's My Story?

WHATS YOUR STORY?

What are the basics of the story you remember from an earlier time in your life?
What emotions were involved when it happened?
What is your because statement -- this is your guidepost.

Learning to white water kayak is one of my stories.

Why did I spend two weeks bunking with 12 other adults in the bush? Because I wanted to do something completely out of character that I would not have been able to do while still married and 'responsible'.

Of course I could swim. And I had all of the equipment, including a made-for-female-shape life vest with an emergency whistle and rescue light. After a day or orientation to the small lake we'd be spending our days on, we learned to apply the neoprene kayak skirts so the craft wouldn't fill with water. One brave soul asked what should we do if we needed a bathroom break? The instructor's response was, pee in your boat. After a moment's silence, we figured that he knew what he was talking about and yes, we followed his advice. I mean, we were wet most of the time anyhow!

I loved paddling with speed and learning to swing the small fibreglass boat around using my legs and hips. We learned to fill our lungs then hold our breath for increasingly long counts. That was the easy part.

By day three, we were learning to do barrel rolls, where you lean far to one side and deliberately overturn your kayak. Basically, you're hanging upside down in the water, watching fish and unidentified critters swim by. The point of the exercise is control and losing your fears - by powering your weary self back upright with your paddle and arm strength.

On the last day, we could choose to navigate a course down Class 3 rapids (for intermediate paddlers. Unpredictable waves and strong currents can cause difficulties) to become certified. Naturally, I would not say no. The course was not elegant like you see at the Olympics. The river twisted and rushed around boulders and half-submerged tree stumps. There were staff posted at the most dangerous spots which was comforting and frightening at the same time. I had never worked so hard at any other sport I'd tried. It took less than ten minutes to complete the test but by the end, my whole body ached from the effort.

These were tests that had nothing to do with emotion. I was 54 years old - every else was at least a decade younger. I was still physically fit because I'd always been an athlete. Scared but excited about being able to prove myself to myself and perhaps to other people who knew nothing about me.

How was my thinking about myself altered? I felt powerful. I was confident I could do it. After many failed attempts (I swallowed a lot of lake water), I completed the roll with proper form. I made it down the river and through those rapids, well enough to earn my whitewater certificate.

I wasn’t afraid of failing because there was no one who would judge me – we were all novices, doing our best. It was an amazing endurance experience and journey of self-discovery.

What did I try next? Stay tuned.

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by Hyacinthe Miller • 17 April 2026

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